Peace is not absence of conflict, it is the ability to handle conflict by peaceful means.

A lot of disputes that end up in litigation or are in some tumultuous and stressful state can be a result of some underlying narcissistic tendencies by one of the two parties. The effects of which are most commonly felt in divorce.

Narcissists have a grandiose image of themselves and expect others to share this viewpoint. When they do not then retaliation often occurs. Narcissists perceive others as support staff and fans, so they have difficulty with the give and take of dispute situations. They are focused on themselves and what they perceive to be happening to them, with no personal accountability.

Narcissists are masters of manipulation

They will try to destroy your self-esteem and want you to feel incompetent. You may be emerging from an abusive situation and are still vulnerable post-separation. A narcissist will prey on your vulnerabilities by reminding you of something from your past that embarrasses you, telling you that you are a bad parent etc.

Narcissists play the blame game

They are the victims and everyone else is to blame. It was a co-worker’s fault that he lost the promotion. It is your fault that that there are some financial woes. Some can even turn on those crocodile tears as quickly as a faucet.

Narcissists trample on any boundaries

They will walk a very fine line on any topic that they feel will further plunge you into the depths of despair by not following through on previously agreed arrangements, withholding money for a critical payment, showing up late to meetings etc. Everything they do is designed to strip away your confidence.  

Children are used as pawns

If you are involved in a divorce with a narcissist, one way to get back at you is through the most important thing on the planet, your kids. If he is taking them to violent movies or stuffing them with junk food it is in retaliation to you. It is impossible to co-parent with a narcissist! One prominent psychologist recommends supervised visitation for children with a Narcissistic parent to avoid being pawns in a power game. When the children feel safe and protected, that can actually enable them to have a stronger relationship with this parent.

Dealing with a Narcissistic ex is emotionally draining

One may not realize the amount of energy that it takes just being connected to them. It can be like walking on egg shells. One can be taken to court post-settlement for slander, supposedly disobeying visitation, and a myriad of other issues. It drains your bank account to pay extra legal expenses. Jamie said that “during divorce, my attorney asked why my husband hated me so much. I replied “because I am getting away.”

Narcissists have trouble letting go of you and losing control. Seeing you happier and stronger is a blow to them.